Growing up With Grandparents

Making Your Parents Part of Your Child's Life

By Kimberly Austin

"I remember visiting my grandfather," says Astara Barker with a smile. "He used to be a boxer, until he was beat up for being a ladies' man. He always told me little stories like that."

Barker, 19, says she misses her grandfather, who now lives in another state. As a child growing up in Tennessee, she spent a lot of time with him and her three other grandparents. "I can remember [my grandparents] being in my life forever," she says.

It's rare for children to be close to their grandparents in today's "mobile society," according to DJ McQuade-Lancaster, coordinator of the National Grandparent's Day organization. "Less value is placed on kinship ties," she says, which is one of the reasons her mother, Marian McQuade-Lancaster, founded the movement. The group uses Grandparent's Day celebrated on the first Sunday after Labor Day to call attention to the neglect of the elderly and foster inter-developmental relationships.

It's important for parents to recognize the value of these family ties, McQuade-Lancaster says. By playing an active role in their grandchildren's lives, grandparents can provide stability in the form of continued family traditions and unconditional love, both essential for early childhood development. Grandparents also can be kindred spirits for their grandchildren, sharing the same wonderment at the world. Even more importantly, says McQuade-Lancaster, grandparents act as role models and teach children family values, a subject often overlooked in school settings.

McQuade-Lancaster also says it's easier for children to talk to grandparents than to confide in their parents, because children respect what the grandparent has experienced.

Barker's grandfather told her stories about the time he spent fighting abroad during World War II. Instead of presenting long-winded lectures or sermons, Barker's grandfather told a lively, exciting story, and through this simple contact, Barker gained in-depth knowledge of an important part of American history. She also spent time with her grandmother. "I would help her with dinner, and we would talk about anything a movie or book or my day," she says.

Barker stayed with her grandmother off and on, because she had more friends in her grandmother's neighborhood and the house was closer to her school. She says her relationship with her grandparents was " natural," but McQuade-Lancaster pointed out that for most children, Grandma and Grandpa are no longer over the river and through the woods.

Many families use the holidays as an excuse to visit with relatives. That's a good start, but it's not enough. "I suggest sitting down with the grandparents and making sure visitation happens at least once a month," says McQuade-Lancaster.

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