My daughter, now 16, was the first grandchild on both sides of our families, and I still cringe when I remember my mother-in-law suggesting I rub a little whiskey on her gums when she was teething. Not to be accused of picking on my mother-in-law, I also argued with my own mother when she balked at using a car seat, preferring to hold the baby. Her reasoning? She figured her five kids had all lived without them.

Obviously, my siblings and I were just lucky. The fact is that the death rate for children under 13 has dropped 56 percent since 1975 thanks to the increased use of child seats and other restraints. As for whiskey and the 1-year-old, changing social mores have put alcohol firmly in its adult place.

Physical Safety
While sometimes it may seem as if parents go overboard in protecting their children from harm, the fact is that increased attention to safety and accident prevention have saved the lives of many thousands of children.

Car seats: Laws regarding vehicle restraints for children have changed dramatically. In some states, children as old as 7 must be in an approved child seat. Even beyond that, if they are below the weight guidelines, they must be in an approved safety seat. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety offers specific state-by-state guidelines.

Infant sleep positions: The issue of whether an infant should sleep on its stomach or back has been raging for years. Current thinking is that "back is best" in preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Also, never lay a baby in a crib with heavy, fluffy pillows or blankets. A firm surface without any items that may fall or roll onto the baby is best.

Childproofing the home: Get down on your knees and take a crawl around your living room, looking at it from a baby's-eye view. Do you see open electrical outlets, cords that can be tugged on, bringing a heavy lamp down or small knickknacks that can be broken? If so, put them up. Also watch for pet food on the floor, and children who may get into your purse and find prescription medicines.

Perhaps the most important piece of advice is to never leave a small child unattended. If you have plans to watch your grandchild, it's probably best if you can plan for that time to be uninterrupted and free from phone calls or visitors.

Food Safety
One of the most difficult patterns to change is someone's kitchen habits. After all, if you've been putting ground beef to thaw on the counter for 20 years and you're still alive, it must be OK, right? Not when it comes to your grandchild. When you're dealing with a child with an immature immune system, what doesn't make you sick could make her deathly ill.

Cathi Lamp, nutrition, family and consumer sciences advisor for the University of California Cooperative Extension in Tulare County, says the biggest food safety issue she's seen lately is people who think it's acceptable to store food in the microwave or traditional oven because they have a tight seal.

"People think that because the ovens seal, germs can't get to the food," says Lamp. "The fact is, if a food needs to be refrigerated it will go bad if it isn't refrigerated."

Lamp offers the following advice for anyone who may not be aware of the changing rules of food safety:

• Don't thaw food on the counter. While the inside is still thawing, the outside may have been at room temperature for more than two hours. Use the microwave or thaw overnight in the refrigerator.
• Don't cool food on the counter. Today's appliances can handle warm food and cool it down quickly. Store food in shallow containers so it cools evenly and completely.
• If it's moldy, discard it. Do not cut mold off cheese or any other food and then eat it or serve it to others. If you can see mold, it's gone a lot further into the food than is visible.
• Do not use the same cutting boards and utensils to cut meat and then vegetables or fruit. Meat, especially poultry, has a high incidence of bacteria. If the cutting boards or knives are not washed in between use, the bacteria can transfer to the fruits or vegetables.
• Change towels daily. The dishcloths, sponges and washcloths used in the kitchen should be changed daily to prevent bacterial build up. Sponges can be tossed in the dishwasher, as can vegetable brushes, and even the sink stopper.

A Meeting of the Minds
It's important to be aware of cultural changes, such as safety issues, that directly affect you as a grandparent, but what's even more important is to be sure you fit into the vision your adult child has of you as a grandparent. If the parent wants you to do things one way, and you're determined to do it your way, pent-up resentment can lead to real problems down the road. Arthur Kornhaber, director of the Foundation for Grandparenting, has seen too many situations spiral out of control that simple communication could have prevented.

"A grandparent can really set a good example from the beginning by sitting down with their children before the first grandchild even arrives and determine what role they want to have in their grandchild's life, and where they fit in with the parents’ plans," says Kornhaber. "Grandparents need to continue to be sensitive to the needs of the parents as the grandchild grows, to be sure they are going along with their child-raising philosophy."

Whether you agree with that philosophy or not is irrelevant, says Kornhaber. "If the child seems to be happy and healthy, it's your children's call on how to raise them, not yours," he says.

Further, Kornhaber recommends that grandparents stay informed about the latest safety issues. He points out that there are many books and publications that give up-to-date information for grandparents. Here are a few suggestions:

The Grandparent Guide: The Definitive Guide to Coping with the Challenges of Modern Grandparenting (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books, 2002) by Arthur Kornhaber. A grandparent himself, Kornhaber is recognized as a leading authority on all aspects of modern grandparenting.

Grandparents Magazine founder Katrina Hayday Wester has had to deal with a variety of issues with her children having both grandparents and stepgrandparents.

Visit AARP's Grandparenting link for great tips on everything from childproofing to grandparents' rights.

iParenting.com's Grandparents Today.com has informative articles and expert Q&A, as well as a variety of discussion boards perfect for grandparents.

Want to see more?

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• It Begins at Home: Fire Safety for Preschoolers
• Talk about it!